Like Ethan Dulles says in one of my favorite movies, Slackers, “If I like you, I’ll give you a nickname” — I have given many nicknames over time. I always found this hilarious, being that I have a penchant for nicknames. Here are a few of my favorites over the years:
Red Backpack
I had Red Backpacks schedule down. He always walked by my dorm at Hofstra at 5pm sharp everyday. Luckily we had pretty much the sweetest stalking spot from our room on the third floor of Constitution Hall. And he was never without his red backpack. And he was super dreamy. Sadly, I ran into an old roommate one day talking to him in the student center and to my dismay she introduced me to him and I had to learn his real name — Brian. Ruined all of my fun after that.
Toby
Toby actually lived in my dorm. I very rarely saw him walking around on campus. Our only run in’s were during fire drills in said dorm. He was skinny, indie and had a lip ring — so Lauren and I decided to call him Toby. Still not sure why. He always wore the greatest slippers during said fire drills. A few months later we found out he was pledging our friends fraternity — so we had to ask. ”So what’s his name?” ”Oh him. Bruce.” Ruined. Just ruined. Not to mention the fact he was joining a douchey frat. Sorry Mike.
Batman
One of my favorites because this dude actually became my friend and he’s still a friend. This guy was a tall drink of water (or beer as it may be) who strolled around campus looking hot, wearing a Batman shirt and aviator glasses all the time. We found out he visited our dorm a ton and that he was friends with the “guys” on the 10th floor. We became friends and confessed we had been calling him Batman for months - a nickname he’s had for years apparently.
Beefcake
I met Beefcake in Vegas and knew he was going to be bad news. He met up with a group of friends when we went to Vegas in 2004. He was a friend of a friend from Boston and just happened to be in Vegas when we were. We met in the lobby of the Aladdin Hotel (now Planet Hollywood) waiting for our reservation at PF Changs. He was creeping on everyone and just being a tool. He was 19 years old and getting outraged that no one would serve him. This guy was Jersey Shore before Jersey Shore. One of our drunk friends started calling him Beefcake. Till this day I cannot remember his real name. He ended up crashing in our room that night with one of my friends and his cell phone would NOT stop ringing. Any guesses on what it was. MILKSHAKE. Yep as in “My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard…” etc etc. I can’t hear that song without thinking of him. Bonus. Here’s a cell phone picture of a picture of him
Classic.
No Ass Guy
No Ass Guy was in a band and was a huge tool. Also HAD NO ASS whatsoever. Like it was concave. He ended up being in one of my classes and we all had to share a little something. He shared the name of the band he was in. He seriously expected people would be “OMG cool!!” But there was none of that.
Gym Guy
We called him gym guy - because, you guessed it, we saw him in the gym all the time and one of my gay bff’s had a massive crush on him. We later found Gym Guy moved to LA — is now gay and in some form of entertainment.
Annie Lennox
Annie Lennox hung out at the gym and had a knack for stealing the cardio machines without signing up. We hated her and she looked like Annie Lennox from the 1980s.
Bowl Cut
Bowl Cut was a creep that went to some of the same parties we did. He had a gnarly bowl cut. I think there is a picture on FB that I’m in with him. He did end up getting his hair cut. But we still called him Bowl Cut. Maybe even BC.
Then there was Crazy Joe. But he deserves his own post someday. To be continued.
